The bedtime battle

I love to watch Franny sleep. I don't know if it's because she is so peaceful (the opposite of the awake Franny); because seeing her snuggle up with her tiger is so sweet; because her ultimate sleeping positions can be so comical; or maybe just because the novelty of her sleeping hasn't worn off yet! Most likely, the reason is all of the above. Regardless, when she sleeps, I can't help but be in awe of the beautiful little girl that we are blessed with, and I find it hard to take my eyes off of her.

Unquestionably, we have gone through some serious struggles with sleep. Most recently, Franny has returned to fighting bedtime, at night and naptimes alike, with a serious vengeance. I don't pretend to understand the toddler's rationale (or lack thereof). But the current tragedy which surrounds bedtime is difficult, frustrating, and almost painful to be a part of. Last night, Franny fought sleep for two hours before surrenduring to sleep for the night. Currently, she is 12 minutes into fighting her nap. It's hard to even begin to comprehend her reasoning for the battle. We have the same bedtime routine everyday for every bedtime almost since the day she was born. Conservatively, that amounts to approximately1550 bedtimes (including naps). Therefore, the variance in her attitude about sleep from week to week--and even day to day--is stupefying, to say the least. Last week, we could put her down, tuck her in, blow her kiss, and walk out. The last few days, being left alone will cause Franny to reach levels of hysteria, although once I pick her up, she can be asleep within just a few minutes. What monsters are lurking in her closets this week that weren't there last week is, of course, impossible to determine. Yet, they are there.

The best approach to handle the bedtime battle is an extremely controversial topic among parents. I believe the best approach varies from child to child. For us, leaving Franny in fits of hysteria, leading to coughing and gagging, is cruel and unhealthy, and teaches her nothing; at this point, she is too overwhelmed with her emotion to comprehend how to begin "self-soothing"--a very popular word among the parent circuit. I obviously do not know anything more than any other parent, but I don't understand how falling asleep from exhaustion--both physical and emotional--teaches a child anything. Giving her the opportunity to work through milder fits of frustration and angst is another matter. However, the grey line where one crosses the other, is the fuzzy area that makes me extremely cautious, and I opt to be softer, rather than harder, in this respect.

I have just returned from putting Franny down, asleep--the classic parental no-no. But she is asleep. Her "complaining" had grown into full-on screaming hysterics. When I picked her up, her poor little body was shaking and her teary eyes almost made me feel guilty for leaving her for the ten minutes that it took for her to reach that point. We sat in the rocking chair and she was asleep after three minutes--45 minutes after I originally put her down. I don't believe her anxiety is manipulative or the classic toddler, independence-driven refusal. So, we continue as our intutition and common sense directs us, which I believe is the best thing to do. Which, brings me back to my original statement: I love to watch Franny sleep.